Too Much

I legitimately have too much on my plate but it’s my own fault as I am the one that puts it there. Is it considered a fault to be too motivated?

My feet are tingling right now since I have finally gotten up the nerve to sit down and “rest”. Driving this morning didn’t count and I’ll explain why. When you’re driving, you’re not sitting and relaxing, there’s always a constant motion, therefore, it’s not relaxing. My feet feel like they have been pounding the pavement for five years and its only been the last 48 hours that I’ve felt like this.

Let my back track to my first statement. I’m not sure if I’ve already posted on trying to get my husband applied to college, but that was something that needed to be done and over with, oh, I don’t know, last month, when we first started the application. It had been procrastinated about so much that last week, even after I helped him with everything, I gave up. I wasn’t going to bring it up anymore because this was a cycle that he had been doing with me for as long as I knew him. He fluctuates between two avenues, only to stick to the path that is the most “comfortable”. I love him, but I don’t love that at all and after being emotionally exhausted after trying to get him moving this last time… I burned out. 

I started focusing on myself, which basically means, Ryan first then myself. Ryan is cutting seven teeth at once and is a little bit of a terror. He shifts from insanely happy to a ravenous psychopath in an instant. Last night he refused to sleep. It took three hours of cuddling for him to go to bed. The bed to crib transfer was a success until 15 minutes later where he wanted up and to come back. Musical beds lasted all night with complementary screaming matches and medicine to try to take the edge off. It didn’t help. No, instead it aggravated him more and he showed it. 

This morning I had enough. He got up and so did I but I put him in his crib, grabbed his monitor and took 6 paces out the door and 6 more into the garage. I retrieved my sewing machine, after checking for spiders, since the garage is where the rebel base is. I couldn’t deal with more intruders after I spent the weeks before, killing on 3 average, after finding them breaking in and entering. I sprayed Raid the day before all around every last door, window, part of the garage, and the wooden, open stairs by the back doors. When I closed the garage door with my clean container in hand, one of those quick, thick black spiders with the white stripe down its back ran for the garage. I stopped and gave it a chance. If it comes in I have a special place for it’s carcass. Those spiders are the worst. They don’t build webs, they’re more like animals. They WATCH you. I had a monster sized one in the house and I kid you not, it freaking watched where I was in relevance to where it was planning on going. I honestly don’t give a shit if it doesn’t bite. I will kill it if it comes in. Since I sprayed I haven’t seen any intruders, so I tipped my imaginary hat and slammed the garage door down.

Ryan was going in and out of sleepy time and could have go to sleep had I not slammed the garage door and had a bigger bottle in the crib with him but, duty calls. At this point, its 6:30am, hes out in the living room, I have already cursed at technology (the WiiU and PS3) because I needed to set Ryan up with the musical movie pacifier, Frozen, and couldn’t because the wires were switched. I realize that those of you reading this might say, “why is this an issue?” Here’s my issue. I see all of the consoles as something my husband owns. I just recently figured out how to use the PS3; don’t judge me. I have already had the issue of “messing with his stuff talk” that I don’t want to live through again so I simply don’t mess with it. I guess you can tell what happened next. I didn’t play the movie! 

Instead, I put on the news, something I don’t get to watch usually. I was concerned with the weather and a task I knew that I had to complete, so I let it run and run and so forth until I finally heard it at 7:30. Between the time that I put the news on and then, I had set Ryan up to eat, he pulled some nonsense about not wanting to eat what he was getting so, he got a hand full of Cheerios! Have a great day! While he was eating, I set up the sewing machine, and pinned up the pieces of cloth that I had purchased with him for his curtains, thinking today would be a rainy day, and I wouldn’t be able to get out. Apparently terrible thunderstorms are coming later today, not when they originally suggested they might. At this rate, they may as well cut the funding in the station for weather technology since they are correct about 20 percent of the time. Regardless, I designed, sewed, and hung his new curtains. It’s on a tiny window in his room, but he’s been getting up as soon as the light peaks in his window, so I am trying to block it with a thicker curtain. Of course, buying it would have been a $50 or more nightmare, but purchasing it, and doing it myself cost well under $20 to complete. I’ll take the second, thank you!

Now that it had been completed and hung, I could then go and pack Ryan’s bag, bring snack, make a cup for him, and get together the rest of my husband’s application, the checkbook, a pen, and remembered to get dressed to go out to deliver it to their admissions department. Going back to school for me was a cake walk, aside from my screaming, borderline tantruming, teething baby in car seat. I eventually figured out that he wanted his toddler’s music CD on in the car instead of the radio, on the return trip. I didn’t know that it was the issue going, so that was a pleasant half hour. When we got there, Montclair State really got a face lift since I graduated in 2008. The admissions department moved to College Hall, and where it was turned into a Psychology screening building. College Hall itself, lost the parking in the circle that used to be in behind it to a garden and large sidewalk…and I found all of this out after I walked all the way down there to ask where the new office was. Great. At least, I wasn’t parked in one of those far lots. No, no, instead I bit the bullet and used the parking garage, which must have gotten a facelift too since I don’t remember it going past five levels.

By the time I got into College Hall, I had used a side door and figured out how to drive the jogging stroller like a pro, wheeling it through the door without anyone’s help, and holding the door myself. Ryan just about had enough of me today since he didn’t sleep last night and decided to throw a fit when he stopped moving, which was just fantastic while I asked about times on when I should be looking for a decision letter in the mail. Since I delivered everything to them, they said it should be 2-3 weeks from tomorrow, to hear from them. I’ll take that! I was helped out the side door and we were on our way to pay the parking deck, and get out. Thankfully it took under an hour to complete and I didnt have to pay.

On the way home I was wise to Ryan’s needs, gave him his milk, some cheese doodles, played his CD and out he went! It was short-lived though when I noticed how hard it actually was going  to be to get him into the house from his floppy nap position. I had put him down only for him to notice where he was and start yelling at me again. Now, at this time, I dont know what else to do, so I set him up with some toys and decided that I would try to clean up a little bit. I had started a scrapbook for everyone and a family scrapbook that I wanted to kind of add to as we went along. I decided to do that with him since he likes to “help” me. And then began the flip outs. I gave him lunch, and he wanted some of my pot-pie too, just to go back to his sweet potatoes. He started playing a game with me where I would scoop some potatoes, he would stick his finger in it on the spoon, and then I would put the rest in his mouth and he would laugh at me. So I would say, ” ‘tatoes, touch it, mmm potatoes,” and he would belly laugh while he ate it. It was really cute!

Oh, I also blew a fuse today in our apartment. That was fun. I had to put him in his room and bring the monitor again, but of course the monitor is plugged into the same circuit as everything that blew so I tried seeing if GG could just come in by him. That didn’t happen. So I just ran down there, took care of it and went right back to him. The basement door is miserable. It doesn’t close for anything and the last thing I want is a creature from down there coming up into the apartment.  Once everything was done and restarted, I grabbed him and let him play again.

Later, he pooped, oh do we think poopies are funny? Yes WE DO! He laughs at me that I say the word, he tries to get away and thats funny, all the way until I situate him and change the diaper, then, and only then, is it not funny. I have found myself saying, “you can’t keep the poop”. Why do I need to say that? He went for another round of crazy and went down just before. Thank the Lord, Ryan went to sleep!

Now, I have a slew of things I want to do, which includes start posting at least one piece of my portfolio and works that I have done in the past while I was learning in school, almost to give an idea of who I am and what I have done as an artist in the past and where I look to be going in the future. I would like a shower since I was in the basement, I would also like to continue writing about my son’s story and trying to catch up to now. I last stopped when I was starting to talk about our visit to Sunset Beach, North Carolina last August. I’d like to catch up so that I can put daily entries in and have it printed for him when he graduates eighth grade and starts having all of these teenager questions about his existence, like all teens do. But, a shower takes the first slot as, hes ASLEEP, and I can post after a shower. I’ll have to find something from years ago to post. I wonder what I will find!